Food for Thought

Yesterday, I spent a large part of the morning in the all-too-familiar emergency room. You may know that I have been sick for 6 weeks or so, with no apparent immunity to anything. I have had recurrent respiratory infections, kidney infections, kidney stones and other minor things. The newest addition was a bizarre rash that showed up on New Years Day. It didn't look common, and it was spreading pretty quickly over the course of a couple of days. By yesterday, the rash was still progressing and my sinus/respiratory infection was getting worse- so I went to get checked out. First of all, I will express my repeated dismay with not having health insurance and our healthcare system. I am a single mom who lives paycheck to paycheck. When I don't have $200 extra to pay urgent care up front, I have to go to the ER. Not only that, but they recommend that I see a specialist to get worked up for autoimmune diseases like Lupus and Sarcoidosis, which you can't. do. without. insurance. SUCKS.

Any-WAY.

While I was in the waiting room drinking my coffee and NOT Facebooking, I was re-reading the old classic "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie (originally written in 1936). I wanted to share some interesting things he says in the first chapter. He speaks about criticism, saying "Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a person's precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment." This subject has been on my mind, because it is applicable everywhere. With our kids, in our jobs, and in all relationships. Time after time, psychologists have proven that positive reinforcement and rewards for good behavior result in better results both in animals, and humans. Hans Selye said "As much as we thirst for approval, we dread condemnation."

This is my favorite excerpt from this chapter:

"When dealing with people, let us remember that we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity..... Any fool can criticize and complain, and most fools do. But it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving."

I am challenging myself, and maybe you if you are reading- to not condemn, criticize or complain. Instead, try understanding and explore objectivity. Consider positive reinforcement. Consider mercy. We are all on some kind of journey, and we are all fighting our own battles. Judgment will never prove to be productive. Where would we be without having been shown grace at one point or another?